Frequently, when the kids are asleep and my husband and I have a few moments to ourselves, I will turn to him and look in his eyes and ask him what he sees. Sometimes, I know the answer is going to be a variety of adjectives that describe my depression. I suppose I do this to let him know that I am having a bad day; that I am struggling. Other times, I ask him this question because I get the most beautiful answer, one that lightens my heart and gives me hope. He answers, "My wife, the one I married. I see you." This of course, usually follows a day where maybe things have gone well, good news has arrived, or I see that despite situations - our family is prospering.  I cherish these moments like precious jewels in my heart and mind. They give me strength.

Depression is a nasty disease. Thankfully, there are many options out there to cope with it's physiological and mental symptoms. As a Christian, depression is a chink in the amour of our belief. It is the crack in the fortress wall that allows the devil access to try and take down one of the faithful. Medication has been helping me maintain a status quo in my life, but it does not treat my soul.

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The thing that treats my soul and gives me the strength each day is not the medication. It is my Faith. My Faith in God the Father and his Son, Jesus Christ.   I often have a vision where I am the person in the poem "Footprints". I am looking back on the steps behind me and all I see for miles are one set of prints, sunk very deeply into the sand. They are so deep that a normal person would be knee deep or worse in sand. I realize that I am not walking, but I feel myself being carried by my Heavenly Father. I often speak to friends and relatives about our situations, and I always tell them that their support means so much to me. Of course, they are part of His support plan for me. I also tell them that God's strength and power are what really has been carrying me the last few years. I had become obvious to my husband, our children and myself that we needed a break and we had the amazing opportunity to spend a little over 24 hours away from our home. We were able to spend time as a family. No appointments, no deadlines per se. Yes, we had to come back and prepare for the week - returning to work, household maintenance, and school. Yet, for that brief amount of time, we were just together. During those hours, we were blessed to be able to visit with friends and were invited to a wonderful church. Now, I have been Saved since early 1996 and was Baptized in May of that same year. My children and husband have all been Saved, and were all Baptized within the last few years and we attend a wonderful church here at home. Still, it amazes me when I witness the Awesome power of the Holy Spirit. It still, to this day, amazes me that the Lord likes to drive home His message with great emphasis, and He picks the most opportune times to do so. The entire service - the praise and worship songs, the prayers, the people, the fellowship, the message, the fact that my daughter felt the pull of the calling to come and pray before others despite her fears ... all were driving home the fact that He gives us the opportunity to strengthen ourselves through the tools that He has provided for us in His Word. The most amazing blessings of the day were the absolutely happiest moments that I have experienced in the past few years. My ENTIRE family felt the comfort and presence of the Holy Spirit upon them. What gift could a wife and mother ask for more from her Heavenly Father than that amazing feeling that comes when you know - your children, your husband - felt that awesome power??? The only gift greater was that, I felt my heart lighten - I felt joyous and light. My heart was not heavy with worries and fears. They were all gone. They did not exist. I too was comforted. Tonight, my insomnia has not been because I am troubled. It has been because my heart has been singing all day. Great is the Lord! He is for us and nothing - NOTHING can stand against us! Tonight, as I laid down in bed and tried to process the amazing amount of information and emotions that I packed into the last day and a half, I envisioned myself again on that beach. This time my family was at my side as well as the Lord and all of our footprints were leaving light tracks in the sand. That is one happy moment that I will cherish that moment greater than all the rest - it was a diamond moment.