"Road Not Taken" 
by Robert Frost

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both And be one traveler, 
long I stood And looked down one as far as I could 
To where it bent in the undergrowth;

Then took the other, as just as fair 
And having perhaps the better claim, 
Because it was grassy and wanted wear; 
Though as for that, the passing there 
Had worn them really about the same,

And both that morning equally lay 
In leaves no step had trodden black 
Oh, I kept the first for another day! 
Yet knowing how way leads on to way, 
I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh 
Somewhere ages and ages hence: 
two roads diverged in a wood, 
and I -- I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.

So many people deal with the crushing feelings that depression can carry. It makes even the simplest daily tasks seem boundless, and the life altering decisions infinitely impossible. I know I have been very vague in one of the situations in my life, and it is not that I do not want to share it ... I just cannot at this time.

I have admitted in previous posts that I suffer from clinical depression & panic attacks, but I never really dealt with it or really understood that was something that was actually something wrong with me causing chemical imbalances in my brain. I was usually a happy person, and looking back I can say that there are many happy memories, but along the way I noticed patterns that arose and when talking more with my medical professionals, it was determined that my problems go far back into my childhood.

...

Many children deal with situations that are "too grown up" for them. I have come to realize that I suffered anxiety & panic attacks as a child and have had bouts of depression my entire remembered life. I pray daily for my children as they have to walk this path along with me - and I know it is difficult for them to understand what is happening with their mother. I do my best to keep life rolling in our house but a few years ago that particular situation of which I spoke earlier, my family's financial situation (like so many others in this nation) taking a serious beating over the last few years, and the sudden and unexpected death of my father acted as a trifecta that my natural coping mechanisms could no longer deal with and I shut down and went into full on depression, and along with it came the unpredictable anxiety & panic attacks.

I recently had to make one of those momentous decisions, and I have to admit there were moments where I could have caved I could have taken the "easy" way out, but have chosen not to - I have chosen to take the road less traveled. I have taught my children to stand up for themselves and this is what I must also do. I am trying to enjoy the season and the approaching holiday.

So, I apologize for not posting anything in about a month, but I had degraded into a serious valley in my depression as I came to make my decision. I did not want to write and be so sad as to bring you all down as well. I needed to take that time for myself, consult family, friends and my pastor and become comfortable enough to turn a decison of thought into a final and outspoken decision.

Today, I remembered Robert Frost's poem and also Michael Card's song "Immanuel" ... so I wanted to share them with you today.