I had been in a bad funk, and I think was allowing myself to wallow in it a bit more than I should have been. Now, November is here and already a third of it is gone. I have the Thanksgiving day menu plan in front of me and am awaiting decisions from the different family members to see who all is going to be stopping by a few Thursdays from now. I went to Lowes Foods the other day and picked up our "Tom Turkey" - not a bad deal either. If you were already purchasing $30 in groceries (besides the turkey); then the cost of the dropped to $0.77/pound. I can handle paying $17 something dollars for a 23 something pound bird. This year again, I have asked family members to bring a side. A few years ago, I tried to have it all bought and cooked ... I about drove myself crazy. Besides, I enjoy this way a lot more - it spreads the cost around to those who are coming and it reminds me of the old time feasts -  where the community or families got together, brought what they could and were thankful that they could share the fellowship.

...

 This next statement, I write directly to my mother, who has recently started to read my blog, and then I will continue with my post today. (Mom, things happened and that is the way it was supposed to be - maybe not the way you or I wanted it to be - but we are here now, and the road that has brought us here has made us stronger. I has taught us many lessons, given us many blows to the gut, and lead us to many great places as well. Please see that, it hurts me to see the pain in your eyes and to hear it in your voice. It may be cliché' but it is true - the past is the past and there is no sense in playing what if ... we are on the road we are supposed to be on.)

 I do not mention the sad to bring myself or anyone else down, but to brighten the good.  The warm memories of love, excitement, and warmth are what I hold in my heart. I remember the sense of love that was around when the family was together. Now, I am the adult, and my children are getting to have some similar experiences. When I married my husband, I found that his family has the traditional “get-togethers” on Thanksgiving Day and Christmas Eve. Through the years, the hosting of these gatherings has come to our home. I enjoy it. I love to cook. If you go away from our house hungry - then something is wrong. There is nothing more pleasing to me than to smell the spices and aromas of the feasts swirling around my house. I love creating something that I know is going to not only nourish my guests, but allow them to enjoy it was well.

Recently, I realized that I was jealous of this situation even though it does bring me joy. My husband's family mostly lives here within an hour or so drive and I find myself on the outside looking in so to speak. I am jealous that he has his brothers to call upon if needed. I love my "in-laws" - please don't get this wrong, and I know his family stands by me as if I were of their own blood, but ... I have a sister that I never hear from. From her, I have 2 beautiful nieces and 2 handsome nephews (who through the invention of facebook I am getting to know better) - I have not been the aunt that I wanted to be to them and am trying to fix that - not just an aunt but a confidant and a friend. I have a brother, who I have not seen in years. I wish my children could know their uncle for the creative and loving man that I knew growing up. I have another brother, who I communicate with - but he has always been a hard read to me. He has blessed me with another niece and nephew - both smart, beautiful children, who remind me so much of my brother that it makes me laugh, but they hardly ever see me or their cousins - and only if I get the chance to travel to NY.  All of these are hours and hundreds of miles away from me... this distance has never seemed as far as it has gotten over the last few years. I am not a great communicator with people - but I want you to know - Kelly, Bobby, Sean, Stephen, Melissa, Jennifer, Joey, Erin, and Gavin - I love you. I miss you and you are on my heart always. I wish things were different. I guess that is one of my wishes this holiday season. Richard, my love, Brian, and Lewis - you are blessed to have each other there for you - I know each of you would stand behind the other in times of need. I am grateful for that and that is one thing that I am thankful for this year. I have other family in the area – two wonderful aunts, two cousins and their families. Strangely enough, I never seem to get to see them either. I am sure this is mostly my fault as I just never seem to get anywhere lately, but we talk. I have tried to stay better connected, but I do wish for something more. Aunt Lynn & Aunt Phebe, please know that I love you. So many of those warm childhood memories were formed at your residences or in your presences that I cannot thank you enough for them. Aunt Brenda, Kim & Jason – I do not know what to say. We have not been close for years. Something happened and I am not sure what to do to fix the relationships. I love you all too.

So this is my early Thanksgiving – I am thankful to be blessed with such a large family, and my very early Christmas wish is this – that we can regain some of the distance that has come between us. You are my family and the love that I have for you will never change. To my extended family by marriage, I could love you no less if you were my blood relations. I truly appreciate the acceptance and openness that you received me with when I married into your family. I am thankful to be bless with your presences in my life.

I hope and pray that all who read this remember to take a moment out of the rushing back and forth of the next few weeks to reach out and connect with your family and be thankful for each of them.