Originally posted on my "Somewhere in Sonjiarose" blog...

I wonder how different things would be if I went back 3 years and changed my decisions. How different would my life be? I know that my stress levels would most likely be much lower, or at least I would be stressing about somethings completely different. I am on the precipice of change, and I can feel it. A new hope in 2009 is not my wish for political change... no I was not on that bandwagon.

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 The presidential race was a well orchestrated marketing ad... and guess who one the taste test. The better laid out marketing campaign. If you believe anything but that, then well, I have talk to you about some really great investment opportunities. No, a new hope in 2009 is a personal hope for change. The last two years I have felt the burden growing on me at work, and I believe things are about to take a turn... either for the better or the worse. A friend of our family asked me the other day, "Well, what do you want to do with your life?" The best answer I can still come up with is ... I don't know. I am a 31 year old, mother of 2 - who would enjoy being able to be at home more than anything else... but knows that alone would make me go nutty and need to find something else to do. Sure, that is easy to say, but what is that something - the one thing that would make me want to get out of the bed in the morning and say, "I can't wait to...", and the sad truth is that I really and truly have no clue. There are so many things out there that I enjoy - but would I want to do them on a daily or at least semi-daily basis? I am adrift right now in my mind, and the constant worrying at work, the constant nagging feeling that I have somehow let myself and family down; is gnawing at me. I am stuck in a dead end job --- I will never be more than the office manger here. I will never be anything more than a paper pushing hourly wage employee, and the knowledge of that is slowly killing me. I am usually happiest in the weekday hours from 5:30pm - 11pm and on the weekends of course - but here lately, even those hours are overshadowed by the sheer dread of having to come back and do it all again the next day. So after all this ranting and rambling... I guess it just comes down to the simple fact is that a new hope in 2009 is simply put, that I will figure out where I am going and what I want to do there.